A bloody sneak attack

Hello Everyone,

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Today the weather here is still unbelievably tropical.

For the last three or four days it has been hot and humid to an extent which is unusual here.

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However I have found myself an unexpected drawback.

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Normally I would not consider wearing shorts.  In fact I think that the last time I purchased such an item was when I was in my twenties and leggy with it. They were called Hot Pants then !

In the years since, given that our weather is generally rubbish , I have been happy with just jeans or a skirt.

But the other day I was shopping in town and everyone but me seemed to be cool and comfortable in shorts while I was somewhat overheated and constrained in black jeans and boots.

So, nothing loth, I marched into a chain store and purchased some simple, white short shorts and some white T shirts to go with them,   Then, along with the dishwasher cleaners I had originally gone out for,  I gratefully caught the extremely hot and stuffy  bus back home.

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That night we had a barbie and I tested the short shorts.

Big H and I went through the usual   ‘Is my bum big in this’  and the  ‘Do  my legs look cheesy when I walk ‘, and the  ‘Is it still OK at my age’ scenarios.  All finally laid to rest by Big H’s inspirational idea  to cleverly use his mobile to video me walking away from him and then let me view the results.

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The next hot day was wonderful.  I too was cool and relaxed in little white shorts and flip flops.

I too was enjoying the unusual temperatures without damp clothes chafing me.

I too was much cooler in both senses of the word and far, far more comfortable.

Why, I asked myself, did I not relax and wear shorts years ago.

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Would you like me to give you the answer to that question?

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The answer is that nasty, bloody little biting flies dash straight up the legs of your shorts and then they have a four course bloody meal , and then they leave you with a pudenda that is covered in terrible swollen red bites and is so itchy you want to top yourself.

I am in bloody agony

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Burn all of your short shorts immediately ‘cos it is not bloody worth it.

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Pass me the Calamine Lotion and an anaesthetising quadruple bloody gin.

J’

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