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Have You Ever Wondered Why . . Why do Bobbies wear those hats The reason is quite simply said A Bobby wears a pointy hat To fit his pointy head . .

Dirty Rotten Fibbers . . . A Mammoth Sale The advert said, I rushed to buy a pair, But though I searched Both high and low There were no mammoths there. . .

There Is No Such Thing As A Sasquatch. . A hunter in America Was deep within a wood, Intent on tracking down a deer The signs were fresh and good. . That he himself was being sought Just did not cross his mind, But something different dogged his trail And was not far behind. . [...]

The Right Time. . . My clock’s not totally useless No matter what they say, Though all it’s works broke long ago It’s still right twice a day. . .

My Mother Always Said. . . I like to wear red underpants With shiny bits and bows ‘Cos accidents can happen sometimes No one ever knows . .

Johnson Saves The Day. . . The army loved young Johnson He could fart in splendid style, Well loud, and long, and windy He was heard for half a mile. There came a situation When the phone was broke by mortars, So Johnson sent a fart morse code They heard back in headquarters. . .

A Global Test. . I took a train To Turkey Where they serve A great kebab . I motored to Morocco Where the couscous Was just fab . I bussed to Barcelona Gorged on tapas Til I spewed . To prove that hot Chip butties Are the planet’s Greatest food . .

Baby’s Favourite. . “What should we have today for tea” Said Mrs Cod to baby. “What on earth’s the meal to be” Said Mrs Cod to child. . “I could not fancy mutton And I never fancy jam, There isn’t any mustard So we really can’t have ham.” . “Of all the meals we’ve ever [...]

The Last Roundup. . Our Mary is a nuisance Always lying on the floor, She spreads out all her comics, Drops her crumbly bits…and more. She leaves her socks and pens and combs Her paper and her clothes, She sometimes leaves an outline Showing clear, where she arose. I hate her ‘cos she’s messy She [...]

A Chip Off The Old Block. . I really, really do love chips They are my favourite food, They make me feel much better When I’m in a horrid mood. . Chip sarnies, chip butties And fish and chip teas, Just cook me some chips If you’re trying to please. . My Father loves chips [...]

Batty About Bats. . I’m truly batty about bats I’ve got more than three or four, There’s bats upon my ceilings And there’s bats around my door. There’s ninety in my bathroom Eighty seven in a drawer, There’s thirty three inside my pants, My kitchens got twelve more. I wear a bat upon my head [...]

A Proven Fact. OK then, if he doesn’t fill it, who does? . I still believe that Santa’s real The things they say aren’t true, I always put MY stocking out Although I’m thirty two. . .

. hair . why is my dog not bald . he’s always losing lots of hair it’s over here and over there he shakes and scratches til it drops how come it never stops . why is my father bald . he’s always losing lots of hair a little here a little there he tries [...]

Farting Can Be Dangerous. . My Grannie’s getting windier Each time I go to visit. She loudly farts ten times an hour That’s not a nice thing is it. . I called again and found her there All sprawled upon her back. They said she was the victim of A sudden fart attack. . . [...]

Sharks One, Lisa None. . Lisa Doogood was awfully rude To people who tried to be nice, When they told her “Don’t swim” …………………………..”There’s a shark” ,…………………………..”Don’t go in” She refused to consider it twice. She said, “Fish cannot stop me, I’m not the least feared”. So when Jaws came and ate her The people [...]

A Chip On My Shoulder. . I hate all computers They’re sly and they shirk, If you don’t watch their tricks They erase all your work. . You enter your wishes, They will not obey, You try to command But they do it their way. . I hate them, they’re rotten, They sulk and delight, [...]

Special Delivery. . Though miles from home, the loving son Grew parsnips of great size “I only wish my mum could see She’d not believe her eyes”. . He put a stamp upon the best And sent it in the post. She got it on the Saturday And cooked it with the roast. . .

Bricking It. . The scourge of constipation For some is truly chronic, But as a student, I have found Exams are nature’s tonic

two eyes is wise . ten fingers ten toes that’s how it goes and more or less can really stress . two eyes is wise and no surprise while three or more would cause uproar .

Rhubarb, Rhubarb, Rhubarb. . Swimming in custard Is sticky and yellow, Not suitable for A fastidious fellow. . To meet with a shark While you’re swimming, is rare, So you’re pretty safe From that sort of a scare. . There’s only one drawback Once you’ve found a towel. You’ll need to lay hands On a [...]

Advice For Travellers. . There’s one thing you must never do No matter where you roam, You must not go to Germany, You’re better off at home. The reason is a simple one Which everyone affirms. You must not go to Germany Because it’s full of GERMS. . .

are we alone . many people disappear every year flying saucers take a flight any night sometimes it’s raining cats and dogs or frogs do you think it’s all the truth or not or what .

read this fast. . savoury sausages sizzling succulently tiresome tomboys tangling truculently fatuous farmers fermenting flatulently horrible homespun hideous hatyoulentme . ,

. A Good Word . Bloody is a good word, I use it when I wish, So eat your cold black pudding It’s a very bloody dish. . If you cut your finger Shout, “It’s really really bloody,” It’s better fun than stamping In the rain and getting muddy. . Books are full of history [...]

Red Can Spread. . You paint that stool red While I’m at the salon, Tommy’s nagging wife told him To get the job done. . Though he painted the stool Just the best he could do, All the table was marked So he painted that too. . He was pleased , till he spied All [...]