Give Them Jam And Bread.

HI Peeps,

Hoping all is well with you.

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I have invented a good way to vastly reduce the cost of running an Old People’s home.

All that is needed are vast amounts of jam, an ample supply of bread and  a DVD of ‘Brief Encounter’. This being a  1945 black and white film starring Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson, which is well loved by all Old People*.

The idea is as follows.

In the morning you gather up all the Old People and sit them in rows of comfortable, wipe down chairs in the lounge and you tell them all what the plan is for the day.

” Today is going to be wonderful, dear Old People.   First we will have our breakfast. It is going to be jam and bread .  Then, as a real treat for lunch, we will all have prime fillet of steak with chips followed by fresh cream and sherry trifle.   Afterwards we are going to watch our favourite film, namely ‘Brief Encounter’  starring Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson”.

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Much excitement, hand clapping, gum smacking and happy nodding .

“First we will serve you the jam and bread and a lovely hot cuppa.”

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The plastic  trays attached to the comfortable chairs are lifted up and brekkie is served and removed,

Much happiness and enjoyment follow as Trevor and Celia play out their doomed love affair on moody station platforms.

The Old People are chuntering to each other for a time, until they forget what they were talking about and they sit there comfortably and expectantly waiting for direction.

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“Now it is lunchtime and we have a treat in store for all of you dear Old People.

First we are going to have some lovely bread and jam because we are going to spoil you at teatime with some prime fillet of beef , followed by a fresh cream and sherry trifle,  but before that we have a rare treat in store for you all. We are going to watch a film called Brief Encounter starring our favourite Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson”

This greeted with much smiling and hand clapping from our thrilled Old People with their sadly short attention spans.

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The trays are lifted.

The bread and jam consumed.

The film greeted rapturously as Trevor and Celia play out their doomed affair on moody station platforms.

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“Hello Everyone. It is teatime and we are going to have your old favourite of bread and jam today because we all ate far too much steak and trifle at lunchtime. Then, a real treat for you all as we are going to watch our favourite film starring Trevor”……..and so on through supper, breakfast, lunch, dinner …

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Just think how pleased all those annoying visitors will be when their relatives enthusiastically tell them what a wonderful day they have just had eating best fillet of steak, followed by sherry trifle and then watching their favourite Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson film.

Sweet.

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As profits rack up you can invest in some Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers films, and let’s not forget the ever popular Bing Crosby in  ‘White Christmas’ and good old Jimmy Stewart warming hearts in ‘ It’s A Wonderful Life’.

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Well you know my idea of thoughts escaping into the ether.

I shall no doubt pick up the papers next week and read the headline

GOVERNMENT SHOWING  MESSIANIC ZEAL FOR BUILDING NEW OLD PEOPLES’  HOMES.  THERE WILL BE A PLACE FOR EVERYONE SAYS PRIME MINISTER

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LOL

J.

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* Brief Encounter.

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