Having Sex In Trees.
Good Morning Peeps,
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How the hell are you today then!
It is once again a Friday, portal to the weekend, so that is grand.
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I feel very good again this morning because I once more awoke to brilliant sunshine, which makes everything so cheering and wonderful.
It is definitely the end of a very long and exceedingly cold winter.
I have decided that it is not just a trick!
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The birds were gathered in thee tree again when I went to put out their food again and many of the pot plants are glowing with flowers, particularly some red ones.
Yesterday, when I was watching the two huge pigeons in the tree outside the window they began to mate, right on a branch, so everything is bursting with renewal and energy.
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I have to admire the balance of those birds too, ‘cos if I tried to do the same thing I would fall straight off the branch, so that is probably why we don’t see much of that!
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Actually there probably are loads of people out there who like to do that, because I did read that there is very little that you could imagine that is not done by someone somewhere.
Having said that, there probably is just the one poor soul somewhere who was born to prefer sex up in trees, except that he is the only one in the world with that particular desire, and he is very lonely indeed.
But I am probably very wrong, and if I started an ‘Out On A Limb For Sex’ site, it would instantly have about 1,000,000 members on the very first day.
Come to think of it, perhaps there are lots of people having sex in trees all the time and we don’t see them for two very good reasons…
1. The leaves on the trees camouflage them….
2. People rarely walk around peering up into trees all the time because they need to watch where they are going.
3. Outraged Christian Fundamentalist birds will peck them in disgust….along with all the other outraged avians.
4. Spelks are painful .
…..that is 4 reasons isn’t it!
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Then there is the danger it would pose to people passing along under trees, or picnicking under them etc, they would be under the constant threat of being killed by the falling copulating couples….or even falling threesomes!
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And what about in the winter when all the trees are bare.
That means abstinence for a very long period ….or getting frostbite….or getting arrested for ingenious indecency.
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or
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Having to have a large potted tree in your home in order to continue having regular sex.
Now that would be expensive because you would need to have a huge house in order to contain a big enough tree for the purpose of having sex in it.
So people with that preference would need to work very hard in order to be able to have that massive mansion.
They would become worn out ….and as a result their sex drive would flag, if not disappear entirely.
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Of course you could afford it if you were a rich aristocrat in England, on a huge private estate, and everyone knows that such people can be very, very eccentric.
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Perhaps that is why the kings made them aristocrats in the first place.
They kept ruining his royal trees by continually having sex in them and spoiling his royal perambulations through his castle grounds….as well as falling on him when he was not expecting it.
So he ennobled them and gave them lands far away from his court, because he did actually like them, apart from their sexual preferences.
We all know that Kings take good care of their favourites.
Perhaps that is the origin of us saying that people are ‘barking’ when they are a bit eccentric!
Bark….trees….sex-in-trees.
It all makes amazing sense now!
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It is a deep and thorny subject, and some scientific types should start barking up that particular tree and do some research on the subject.
It is too important to ignore.
Instead of spending millions of pounds on silly meaningless research, it is time that public money was used to help make life easier for the millions of you out there who are now feeling understood for the first time in your lives.
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If you have been touched by today’s blog, write to your MP’s, Senators and local newsagents to demand that a local branch of ‘Tree Huggers Are Not Ashamed Of Their Sexuality’ is set up immediately!
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And then there are the people who are ashamed of wanting to have rampant sex while standing with their left food in a bucket of Pate De Fois Gras while wearing a big red hat……….shut up Jaksie you are doing it again!
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Anyway, I must away now to the nearest coniferous tree.
If I can find one that is unoccupied.
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LOL
Jaksie, x.
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