I killed the dog




Doing this is weird.

It is much easier to speak to people face to face.You can interact, be funny, have a laugh

It is easy and entirely natural and I know how to do it without a single thought.


But this thing!


It is hard and tricky and this bloody computer seems to be deliberately mocking me on a regular basis. I end up in a bloody mood, and the whole thing gets me really,really arsey,

In fact, the more you try to do, it the arsier you get.

You have less and less fun, get grumpier and grumpier and end up bloody well writing snotty letters to the Guardian.


A friend of mine went the same way a few years ago.

She bought some sort of game, where she had to create people and houses, and go online every day to look after them and stuff like that.

It got so spooky eventually.


I would go over to her house for a coffee and ask, “How has your day gone so far then?

The reply would be, “Oh, I drowned four people this morning.”

“What do you mean, “You drowned four people?”

“Well, I got sick of them so I killed them off.”

“What on earth are you talking about, you mad bitch?”

It was her bloody new game!


Or I would ask her what she had been doing that day and I would be solemnly informed that she had killed a dog.

“What on earth do you mean. Who’s dog have you killed?

“Oh, the one I created in my game. I starved it to death. I got sick of looking after it.”


“Oh don’t be so bloody silly woman.  You have never had a dog in your whole life.  IT IS NOT BLOODY REAL!”


That is what happens.

People are creating their own friends and killing them off when they get annoying.


Having said that, I did grow my own friends, but in the correct organic way.

It is only for the most patient amongst us though, because it takes a whole nine months and then you must wait for them to ripen.


Have fun.

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