Mr Fartypants.
Hey Peeps,
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They talk about neccessity being the mother of invention don’t they.
Well, that has just happened to me….with knobs on it.
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Big H is being so horribly stinky today that I cannot bear it.
Whatever it is that I have been feeding him, it has to stop, because I am beginning to feel as smoked as a kipper while living with these unbelievable stinky fumes he keeps expelling.
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And can you tell me why men always seem to lift up the buttock that points in your direction before doing it.
I have lived with this stinky beast for over forty years now and he is still not trained to the point that ‘aiming his stinkiness somewhere else would be a little bit more polite’.
I have heard of sharing but this is just toooo much.
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So, we come to my sudden startling invention.
It was caused by the sudden stinkiness I was ambushed by this morning.
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I was walking towards him and was suddenly stopped dead in my tracks by sudden apoplexy, so bad that I nearly dropped my big pink cuppa.
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‘Oh my God’ I cried, ‘Have you just farted?’
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‘It was only a little one’ he protested, trying to look boyishly appealing.
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‘A little one’, says I, ‘In that case your nickname should be OXO….cos a little bit of that goes a very long way’.
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As I retreated into the windoe alcove, waving my hand frantically in front of my face, I was struck by inventive inspiration.
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Why not invent a set of ‘Stink Wipers’…. that could be on a chest harness.
Then, at the first sign of incoming stinkiness, the on-button could be quickly pressed and the wipers would go back and forth in front of the nose to dispell the ill wind.
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In cases of true emergency, the wearer could press the ‘warp speed button’ for immediate rescue.
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In fact, the design of the Warp-Speed Button’ could probably lead to amazing advances in the realms of space travel.
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And all down to my new and modern invention.
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Oh-Oh, I have just thought.
Perhaps that was the real reason for the invention of the hand fans, that look so romantic when used by the foreign ladies of style .
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I shall never look at those 1940′s films in the same way again.
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If you pinch my idea I shall expect a share of the royalties….or else.
.J,x.
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i shall never look at the hand fans again without thinking of your post.
you’re awesome!!