NO NO NO

Hi Darlings,

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Not so sunny today, and I hear that the weather will worsen soon.  BOOOOOOOOO.

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I arose a little later this morning, and did all the usual things, except for having Marmite on toast for breakfast.

Very nice, but I do not feel an obsession coming on.

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Then I made a decision to do nothing at all today.

Admittedly not much different from my other days, except that today I shall not bother pretending that I have done any housework, or anything else that is not pleasurable.

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People always think that they have no power, but just think of the number of decisions we make each day, and how they form our lives.

If we have lives which are dull, boring and powerless, then that must surely be the direct result of the daily decisions we have been making.

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There is actually no such thing as boredom in my opinion.

I think that what we call boredom is the absence of worry.

Think  how many times people who are going through some kind of personal hell, think longingly of the times before the situation they are facing arrived in their life, the time when they were happy.

The time when they were possibly often bored.

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Boredom is surely a very recent thing, because in previous times a person would need to scrabble quickly all day just to get something to eat and a bit of warmth and comfort.  Added to that, there would have been a constant worry that raiders such as Vikings or other Tribes, could fall upon them at any moment,  resulting in slaughter, destruction or even lifelong slavery.

I’ll bet that those people would have regarded, as the utmost in bliss, any rare times when they were lucky enough to be warm, well shod,  well fed and able to enjoy an unusual period of nothing  needing to be done.

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My own life is good, partly because I faced up to the fact that, although I love spontaneous partying and happenings, I do not really like long term formal arrangements.  Especially if they are not with people I love and enjoy and am therefore comfortable with.

We all meet other people who are just not our type and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

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I remember years of utter dislike of having to go to places and socialize when I did not want to.  I hated those things.

Getting ready and going  out with Big H to all of his work do’s, which had been arranged weeks before, and  then just waiting till it was all over and I could decently leave.

Some of my friends like these opportunities and regard them as a good way to advance up the ladder and get on in business, but I dreaded and hated them.

What a relief it was to finally refuse to go anymore. Selfish I suppose, but after that I only did the stuff which which was unavoidable .

Likewise I learned to say no to people.

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I began to learn to refuse to do unreasonable favours after an incident years ago, when the boys were small, and the summer holidays were just beginning.

Over the months I had saved up enough money to take the boys for days out and to buy them a few treats to make it special.

At that time, we used to be in the red by the end of every month, in order for me to stay at home with the children and still meet the mortgage payments.

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A few days before the holidays began, a neighbour knocked at the door.

This was not a friend, just someone I passed the time of day with.

She asked if I would take care of her daughter during the next week, as she had been offered some temporary work at a big department store in town, and had no one else to take care of her.

I was nonplussed and ended up saying, “Oh, I suppose so”.

I was then informed that the girl, who was about three years older than my oldest son, would arrive at eight and go home at teatime.

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It did not help when I later learned that she had asked everybody else she knew, before me, and I was the only one too stupid to think of a way to refuse when she launched her surprise attack.

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When I told Big H about being trapped into this he was exasperated and asked why I had agreed to do it, so I confessed that I did not know how to refuse.

My sons were not overjoyed either, with the idea of a GIRL  tagging along with them every day, and I had all the extra expense of paying for her to go along with us on buses and trains to the seaside.

Once there  I  also had to pay for her to go onto the amusements etc. and provide her with food.

I also I felt very stressed by the responsibility of looking after someone else’s child for so long.

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Obviously not stressed enough to do anything about it though, because on the Friday evening when the mother came to collect her daughter, she said she had been offered yet another week, so could I do the same thing again.

And yes, you’ve guessed it, I meekly agreed to do it.

My boys and Big H were not impressed with me and neither was I.

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It was at that point that I decided enough was enough, so however hard it was, I was not going to be caught out again.

I was going to say NO.

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I then sat worrying, about how I would think up excuses as to why I was refusing, and about whether I would be able to do it  quickly enough.

I eventually  came to the conclusion that I did not have to give excuses to people either. it still did not alter  the fact that I did not want to do something that in many cases they had no business asking me to do.

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My opportunity arrived quickly enough when I was again asked to do something and I just said, “Sorry, but I can’t ”

The person was not pleased and demanded  “Why not?”.

Flustered, I just blurted out “Because I don’t want to !”, and dashed away.

When I got back in the house, my heart was pounding and I felt awful.  My first reaction was to ring the person up and say I would do it because she would be furious with me etc.

I managed to stop myself doing this and, when I eventually met that person in the street again, she was perfectly pleasant and normal as if nothing had ever happened.

This was the birth of the refusenik that I am today.

Now when someone asks me to do something  and I don’t want to agree, I just say NO…If they ask me why not, I say because I don’t want to.

No one seems to be upset, but I do not really care if they are or not, and all my friends think it is funny.

So, if you feel that you are being put upon don’t say yes , try No instead ,because I found that it really did reduce the stress for me.

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I keep in practice by saying  NO NO NO  to Big H most of the time.

LOL

J

2 Responses to “NO NO NO”

  1. Ty says:

    Hmmm.

    And how true are the details of this story then Mother? I think the refusnik was born a little bit later than described….

    Ty x

  2. Jaksie says:

    Hi Darling Boy,

    I think you will find that refusenik has an ‘ e’ in it.

    I love you dearly,

    Mum, XXXXX

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