Not funny at the time.

Hi,

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Today has been a busy one.

We  have started decorating the living room.  We are painting everything white in order to get a uniform background, and tomorrow or the next day, we will use our new Dulux Paint Pod.

One of the boys has already bought one, and amazingly, it does do exactly what it says on the packet.

Easy to use, no mess or drips, and incredibly quick .

The best thing about it however, is that it cleans itself .  You just put it into ‘clean’ mode and press the button , and away it goes.  Amazing.

I have always hated to clean up after decorating.  There you are, tired,aching, covered in paint, bloody  desperate to sit down.  So what do you do?  Have a drink?  Put your feet up?

No, you have to spend hours squeezing out the paint brushes, cleaning the rollers and washing the containers, after which you need to wipe up all the drips.

Not any more.  It is excellent.

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You do need to use a brush to do all the edges, but they sell a small triangular brush for that too.

We are going to avoid that necessity in future by always using the same colour paint, so that should save even more time and energy.

Good lateral thinking.

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The only thing you must do, is be prepared to pay a bit more for the proper containers of paint, especially created for use with the Pod.

If you do try to use a tin of ordinary paint, then it will clog up and stop the machine, because it is too thick.

Apart from that, the world is your lobster!

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However, do  beware, as all new innovations may not be quite so reliable in use.

We were sorely tempted by another painting aid, called the Hammerite Electrostatic Paint System, so we promptly bought it.

When you use it on metal things, such as garden railings or gates etc., you earth your gun by clipping onto the metal.

This changes the polarity to negative, and when you spray, a cloud of paint flies out, which then attaches itself to the metal.

It goes into fancy bits, around the back and through holes, until the  whole surface is completely covered.

You can do a 6′ tall wrought iron gate in approximately 15 -3o minutes, with no drips, and it is all done from the one side.

Amazing to watch it done.

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Big H could not wait to start re- painting his railings black, to try out this super new toy, as normally this is a long and rubbishy job with lots of drips in the paint if you try to rush it.

Because he has very sensitive skin, I stopped him long enough to make sure that he put on safety glasses and work gloves, and off he went to test the thing, covered in a shirt, long trousers and a pair of black crocs with the big circles cut out in the fronts .

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Later on, as I was sitting having a cup of tea, he had finished the job and walked in to tell me to come and look at it.

I sat there aghast.

He had taken off the safety glasses and had two white rings in a face that was totally black and shiny.

I could also see black bracelets around his wrists between the gloves and the shirt cuffs.

To be honest I soon got very worried.  Washing his face did not work.  Cold cream did not work. Rubbing enthusiastically did not work either.

I even went over to the local chemists to see if they had that Swarfega stuff, the kind that hunky men fixing cars in the adverts always use to clean their filthy hands.

They did not have any.  I was told that there was no call for it where we live.  Funny that,  because I have not seen many hunky men around here either, so obviously they are the only ones who fix their cars themselves nowadays, and they probably only do that to turn on women who like gorgeous menwho can do such hunky-type things.

After explaining what I needed the stuff for, I was persuaded to buy a bottle of skin polishing scrub with bits of peach kernels in it, to try to loosen the paint off with that.  Hmmm.

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It did no good….. and I never though it would.

Poor Big H , there he was, skin getting sore and no further forward at all.

It really was not funny in any way at this point.

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I was beginning to imagine a visit to the hospital and skin grafts by now.

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While I was freaking out at the Chemists,  Big H had read the instructions that were  printed on the tin of Hammerite.  These said that any spills and spots of paint could be removed with White Spirit, but that it must on no account  be used to remove paint from the skin.

I said he must not do it, but by now he had had quite enough of my hysterics, and took absolutely no notice of me.

I covered my eyes in horror as he began rubbing himself with a pad of White Spirit.

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When I finally looked at him he was grinning back at me, teeth shining in a totally cleaned up face.  What a relief.

We then had a nice cup of tea together in the kitchen, before he went upstairs to run himself a good, hot bath and enjoy a bit of relaxation.   Much needed after his somewhat fraught experience with the wayward Electrostatic Paint System

A short time later I jumped in shock to hear him give a loud, anguished cry,  “Oh no, I do NOT believe it!”

Rushing upstairs, heart pounding, I found him standing, totally naked, staring in consternation at a series of regularly placed black Hammerite circles all over his feet, which were in perfect alignment with the perforations decorating his black crocs.

Totally hilarious.

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He did, good naturedly, let me rub face cream onto his reddened skin because I was so worried, but he did not have any further problems.

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Later on we found out that sometimes this spray-back can happen.  It is thought to be caused when a person has a lot of static electricity in them.  Not helped in Big H’s case by him wearing rubber soled shoes which just kept him isolated and not earthed.

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It seems funny now, but the satanic machine will not be given the chance to do it again.  It is obviously not to be trusted as it has a sick sense of humour.

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Wishing you well,

J.

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