A Devil Of A Feast.

Hey,

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I have just been hearing about yet another case of casualties resulting from the terrifically cold winter we are being subjected to this year.

The sea has apparently become the coldest it has been for over 100 years.

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This fall in temperature has now resulted in almost 50,000 Necora Puber, otherwise known as Velvet Swimming Crabs or ‘devil crabs,’ being found washed-up on the Kent coastline.

There are also many other species amongst them, such as sea anemones and sponges.

During the cold spell last winter many of the same creatures were found on the beaches for the same reason….hypothermia.

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There is always a silver lining though, and in this case it is the seagulls who are feeling the benefit of this veritable surfeit of easy food!

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The sea has many surprises…

See strange creature washed up from sea…idiots!

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Strange Sea Creatures….National Geographic.

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Strange Creatures….

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Hmmm….
J.
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Haiku: Swine.

Swine.

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Care for planet Earth –

Not shitting on your own step

Makes a lot of sense.

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Going To the Dogs.

Oh dear,

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The new VAT increase is now pushing the prices up, while temperatures are all set to fall again.

I cannot believe that we may have to cope with a return of December’s horrible Arctic weather.

We really needed cheering up, because we have months to go until the summer arrives again, but reports say that snow has already fallen in some parts of the country and we can expect more.

Wow, can’t wait….not!

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We cannot even drown our sorrows by having a quick pint in the pub because that will now cost more too.

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At least in my part of the UK we are not smothered under piles of stinking uncollected rubbish.

It seems that down in Exeter the council have not yet collected the rubbish that was left when the heavy snow began last month, and the situation is as bad in many other places too.

There are now reports of hoards of rats and foxes being attracted by the rotting piles.

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Wow, it’s a good thing we have the Royal Wedding to look forward to, along with the possibility of a whole day’s public holiday to celebrate it, or people might just begin to get a tiny bit angry about the slipping standards here!!!!!!!

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There is also worrying talk about moving NHS call centres to India.

This outsourcing is being suggested by Government advisers, in order to save millions of pounds.

Speaking as someone who was trying to get an important phone number from a Directory Enquiry which was answered in India, and who spent a frustrating period speaking to someone who was not only hard to understand, but who knew absolutely nothing about the area in question or English counties in general….it horrifies me.

I got so distressed at going around in pointless circles with the person, that I eventually had to give up and put the phone down before it also cost me a fortune.

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My friend was also driven mad trying to get information about a possible fraud on her credit card and could get no sense at all from the Indian person who answered the call and who eventually got so flustered that she put the phone down, leaving my friend shocked.

Nor was there any sense from a similar person who answered her second call to attempt to solve her urgent problem.

Nor even from the Indian Supervisor that she eventually demanded to speak to, after being told many times that she could not speak to anyone in charge.

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God help anyone trying to make such a call to India in a medical emergency….I am afraid that frying pan and fire come to mind.

Why the hell don’t those in charge of such services just provide a better service here, the way it used to be!

Why is everything getting worse and more complicated and time wasting now!

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If the snow happens again, as is being forecast, then no doubt I will be writing that the whole country has had to close down again!

And probably that we are all dying with swine flu too!

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Oh, that feels better.

I don’t know how you feel after all that, but it is your own fault for reading it.

However you are free to comment with your own opinions about public services etc.

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Have a rubbish, rat and snow-free one yourselves

j.

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Poem: Visitors

Visitors.

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The whole house so reverberates

After the knocking on the front door

That even the dust motes seem agitated

In their beams of sunlight.

So who can be standing out there, expectantly,

Upon this September afternoon.

Unfortunately this will have to remain a puzzle,

As there will be no answer.

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2011. The Mummy Returns!

Greetings Peeps,

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Home again, home again, jiggety jig!

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I am finally back from my Christmas peregrinations, and I hope that I find you similarly happy after your holiday, replete with desirable presents and with not too much extra weight from all of those festive goodies.

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It is a very good job that it only happens once a year or I would be the size of Plymouth and people would be building houses on me and creating new municipal parks for the enjoyment of the general public.

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It is amazing how long we all plan for Christmas and New Year…..and then it is suddenly all over with….and we are looking forwards to the next big event.

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In my case that will be a fancy dress dinner and ball which is to be held in a National Trust type stately home.

The theme is going to be Georgian along with wenches in mob-caps and waiters in long waistcoats, breeches and white powdered wigs.

I am really hoping that it will be like a scene from that excellent Amadeus* film starring Tom Hulce.

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My own costume is to be a deep red gown with panniers and boned bodice, with three-quarter fitted sleeves trailing with lace frills.

I had considered buying some suitable shoes but have eventually opted for wearing my leopardskin chelsea boots, perhaps with eccentric huge bows tied to the fronts, along with white stockings tied above the knees with ribbons.

Not factually correct perhaps, but it is a fancy dress party and not a serious documentary about the life of Georgians.

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The whole will be topped off with as mad a frizzy wig as I can possibly find, on the premise that I need to have as much fun as possible, because time is getting shorter with every passing day.

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Basically life is good but not too hairy at present.

Unfortunately my hair is rubbish at the moment because it is falling out again and has all the condition of candy floss.

As a last resort before some serious cutting takes place I am going to try a remedy which has been recommended to me by a similarly challenged lady.

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I went on-line to order some Pil-food, which apparently does actually work although it takes a month to show some improvement.

It is not cheap and I am informed that you need to take one tablet three times a day.

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I shall report on it’s efficacy at some point in the near future, when I hope to be frighteningly hairy headed once more!

Well, hope springs eternal, which is more than I can say for hair!

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Have a good one yourselves.

See Ya’.

J,x.
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*Amadeus trailer.

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The Last Post Of 2010.

Greetings People,

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Sorry that my postings have been a little irregular over the past few days, but I have had problems with broadband reception.

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I also have a lot of travelling around and happenings to enjoy because of the Christmas and New Year festive season and Big H’s improved health….so I am going to avoid stress by having a break from responsibility.

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Therefore this will be my last post until mid January, at which point I shall get back into harness.

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Please allow me to wish you all a most wonderful Xmas and the best of New Years….and may you be inundated with the sort of presents that you would buy for yourself!

I hope that 2011 will be a wonderful one for all of you.

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Do take care….I shall miss you.

LOL,

J,x

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Sorry about the tardiness Nelly….see reply!

Poem: I Just Love You.

I Just Love You.

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I love you

In that green jumper.

I love you

On a bad day.

I love you

On the morning after

I loved you

The day before.

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Poem: Set Script.

Set Script.

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How I envy a flower

That lives it’s perfect life

From the second before,

Until that last petal falls

In the correct and proper way.

No worries there of purpose,

No need to ponder on the length

Of open time on summer days,

For every second follows to a plan

Except for possible flower arrangers.

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Oh No, Not Again.

Hey folks,

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Well, I awoke this morning and eventually opened my eyes to a somewhat changed light coming into the bedroom.

I lay there for a while, not wanting to believe my suspicions were correct.

Then a car passed by, making a certain sound, and I knew they were.

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I arose and went to peer out at a newly whitening world….snow!

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The forecasters have been giving us shortening odds on this happening again today, but no-one wanted to believe it would.

If this keeps up then we are in for the possibility of blocked roads, cancelled trains and requests to stay in our houses and curtail any but the most necessary travel.

Right over Christmas too, when everyone is trying to make it to spend the holiday with their families and friends.

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That is what usually happens here.

I said a while ago that snow, rain, or the wrong kind of leaves on a train track are enough to paralyse this strange country of ours.

It is sometimes like living in The Land Of Oz….Dorothy’s version….not Australia!

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In our case it is slightly worse than it was in the past, because when Big H finally retired I persuaded him to buy a more sporty two seater car so that he could have some fun and take his mind off his health,

I have to say that it was a good idea and it awoke his old pleasure in driving again.

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However the downside is this kind of winter weather.

Apparently this car is lighter and has different attributes to a heavy 4 wheel drive bruiser.

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We have to be more circumspect about travel anyway because if he was stuck in heavy snow by the roadside for 15 hours, the way those commuters were the other week, then it would probably kill him off.

That would be a tragedy because I don’t have another forty years available to properly train-up some other man….or even the energy.

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I am depressing myself here so I am going to go and get myself another cup of tea….Lapsang Souchong this time, nice and smoky.

Please talk amongst yourselves, upon enlightening subjects, until I make my return!

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Commercial Break…..Eat Doorstep Bread.

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Hello again.

Well, when I was waiting for the kettle to boil and toasting my doorsteps, I had a look out of the window.

There were lots of depressed looking folk trudging about with their shoulders pulled up around their ears.

All still clothed in our inadequate British winter clothing as usual.

Brrrrr!

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I however am full of toast and tea, and feeling quite chipper.

I hope that you are too….feeling chipper of course…..the tea and toast is tasty but optional!

LOL,

J,x.

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Poem: Blink.

Blink.

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If I should blink out

Like a switched-off light

Would there be a difference

To anyone else’s illumination.

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