Sorry Guv.

Hi there,

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It is not good to let other people get you into an argument.

You should never allow another person to take control of your emotions.  We so often say “You have made me so angry” or “You are making me so upset” , when in fact we should decide whether we want to be angry and upset, or not.  It is our decision to make.

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The trouble is that it is easy to get into bad habits of behaviour.

I think that, once you have a history with someone, they then get to know how to press the right buttons to upset you,

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Often if a person has had a hard day, or is upset about something, it is easy to cause a fight in order to relieve the tension and get a high of excitement.

If you pay attention to how someone behaves in those sorts of circumstances, and refuse to rise to the bait and allow yourself to get drawn into a script of accusation and denials, then you can actually recognise the triggers that would normally set you off.

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If you decide that no one is going to make you have an argument, then it allows you to stay calm, and actually see the mechanisms working.

You know what they say.  The only way to change a situation is to change yourself.  That means that as your behaviour is different then another person’s reaction becomes altered in turn.

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Another good reason for staying calm and not being led into an emotional argument, is that when you get into an emotionally charged exchange, the the issues get confused, so instead of being cool and reasoned you become too  wound up to make your point.  That is why argument rarely changes anything.  People just shout at each other without listening , usually both shouting at the same time.

Keep cool and you can win a discussion.  The moment you get led into pointless recrimination …you lose.

Life is too short to keep going around the same maze of endless argument.

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Anger is only useful as a tool to help you put something right by using it constructively.  Because you have decided you need to be angry.

It works for me.

LOL

J

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I also found out that once I learned to stop trying to argue my way out of something I had done, or had neglected to do, and just say sorry, then everything went much more smoothly.

Saying sorry when you are wrong sounds very simple but it can be the hardest thing to do for some reason.

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Humour can also be very useful.

When I get caught out by Big H,  I always say that  “Somebody else made me do it.  Honest Guv”

When we had recently agreed to stop eating so much rubbish between meals, he caught me with a bag of Bombay Mix in the back pocket of my jeans.

He was very stern and asked me in his schoolmaster voice, “and what exactly is this?”

I said that, “It wasn’t me, someone else must have put it in my pants.”

Luckily it makes him laugh.  Which is just the same as getting away with it.

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